HOW I GOT MY NAME: RAM APPACHE

I DON'T BLOG. I DON'T READ BLOGS. IN FACT, I DON'T EVEN REALLY FULLY UNDERSTAND WHAT A BLOG IS.

If it weren't for my daughter Stephen, (not her real name), telling me that I have a fan from a comment I made about Stephen's blog., I would not have gone to this effort. I feel if I can make one fan then perhaps I can make more fans, perhaps millions more.

I'll simply tell my life's stories and give out really great free advice because I've experienced quite a bit of stuff in my 31 years on this planet (actually it's a few more years than that, I have a daughter, JAHKNEEFUR who is that old).

I'm an optimist by nature and hopefully I won't come across as a crodgety, grumpy old (I hate that word, old, every day that goes by I hate it more; if you want to stay on my good side don't ever call me that. Some twerp from Notre Dame found out the hard way, but that's another story) coot.

I'm not P.C. (politically correct) either, nor sensitive nor empathetic. I don't feel sorry for very many peopel, hmmm let me think, no not anybody right now come to think of it.

Every time I think I've seen it all, life throws a curveball at me and right now my batting average is pretty low. I'm normally very optimistic. I wake up every morning (I love early mornings, watching the sun come up, everything fresh and clean) with my glass full, spilling over the top it's so full, by the time the sun goes down and evening and night are upon me, my glass is empty. I can hardly wait to go to sleep so I can have a full glass again in the morning. I seem to be going to sleep earlier and earlier these days. The daylight seems to take a sip from my glass with every waking moment. I've found out in general that people suck and are always taking sips from my glass. My glass is always empty at night.

I'm not a sappy, goo goo gah gah kind of person. Sergent Joe Friday kind of guy; "Just the facts mam, just the facts". I appologize in adavance if I'm abrupt or abrasive, but that's the way it is.

I would like to start this affair off with an irritating event that happened a few days ago. To some people this event might not seem like a big deal, but to me it was enough to push me over the edge. The edge being I'm attempting to BLOG.

SO HERE IT GOES, ONE OF MY LIFE'S STORIES:

A couple of days ago, I received a envelope from the Los Angles City Department of Building and Safety to which I had recently applied for a builing permit to remodel the home in which my wife, mother of my beautiful children, and I live.

The envelope was addressed to one Mr. Ram Appache at obviously the correct address because the letter arrived at the correct address. I opened the envelope expecting to see my name on the application incorrectly spelled which it wasn't. My name in bold print ON THE APPLICATION was correct. MY NAME IS NOT RAM APPACHE!!!!! There fore I am led to assume that SOME BRAIN DEAD, OVERPAID, FAT ASSED, COULD GIVE A SH*T BUREAUCRAT just quickly read the app. and threw some handwritten letters and numbers on the envelope and sent the g-damned thing on its' merry way. Lucky thing I got it. I'm no handwriting expert, but by the way the P's were written, I'm pretty sure the clerk is a woman. If my new name had i's in it, they would have been dotted with little smiley faces. My new identity mother is some City Clerk whose identity will forever be unknown. I feel like an abandoned orphan left on the doorstep of bureaucracy to fend for myself in an uncaring, unforgiving world of endless hallways and cubicles filled by humans looking for their retirement and 90% pensions. Imean for godsakes, couldn't this person just read my app. and spelled my name somewhat close.

With my new identity, I swear before humanity that I will do good deeds and save harmless widows from eviction and good stuff like that. I will have a neopreme super suit made (I recently joined Gold's Gym and I am really buff) that will have the banner and logo of SUPER RAM emblazened on it....I will save humanity from the clerks the world over....

SUPER RAM TO THE RESCUE....it's a bird...it's a plane....no it's SUPER RAM.... SUPER RAM TO THE RESCUE....DAH DAH TAH DAH!!!!

THE BIRTH OF " RAM APPACHE: A GOOD MAN GONE MAD"