Blogging isn't easy. Stephen (not her real name) makes it look simple. Words flow like magic off of her little flailing digits. Tip-tip-tip-tap-tap goes her key board and after a few minutes VIOLA a blog is born. She's got tons of readers. I don 't know how many readers I have because I don't know how to hook up the visitor counter. I think I'm up to four readers now, not bad for a weeks worth of work and not having any face book friends.
In contrast, my key board stares back at me and dares me to touch it. I really really wish I could TALK BLOG.
Blogging with me is a totally different story. When I'm in the shower, the words fly thorugh my head like a Stephen King novel. If I could TALK BLOG (a new concept) , the stories would be entertaining ,and, funny and seamless. But when it comes time to put pen to paper, or should I say "pinkies to the keys"(?), the brilliant dialogue, the impeccable scene descriptions, the heros and heroines and villains disappear like kids at dinner time (as in: "hey kids time for dinner; where in the hell are those kids, they always disappear at dinner time?") or like trying to find friends to help you move (as in:Hey pal I'm moving this weekend, could you lend a hand; Pal says " Ah, god I'd love to but my dead grandma needs some help with her casket hinges, perhaps next time eh, bud").
For some reason my brain freezes up at blog time. Perhaps it's the pressure of trying to be entertaining enough that my kid's friends won't think I'm a boring old (Did I mention I hate that word?) fuddy duddy.My typing speed is pathetic. I swear everytime I type a letter and look up at the screen and then look back down at the keyboard, the keyboard letters have changed positions. It is impossible for me to memorize that dang thing.
I was really fired up to do a blog. It's like I was really enthusiastic to join Gold's gym. I've found out that exercising the brain is like exercising the body. Both activities drain you. I actually didn't join Gold's gym, My wife (she won't let me give her a phony name, even though I have a reall good one picked out, so I'm relegated to calling her wife) did. I was able to use a guest pass for two weeks. The first week I went three times and did a lot exercising, the next week i went once and did some exercising. Now my guest membeship has expired and haven't been this week. This blogging thing is the same kind of thing. I was all excited at first, three blogs the first week and now I'm down to one for this week, but I've got a good excuse because tomorrow I'm heading to SFO (San Francisico) to eat for three days solid and catch the USC Trojans over in Bear country (Cal Berkely).
I hope I come back with fresh ideas and new typing skills and who knows mabe I'll join Golds Gym for real. See you next week!!
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I nominate "Ah, god I'd love to but my dead grandma needs some help with her casket hinges, perhaps next time eh, bud" for best line in a blog of all time.
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