Up is down, cold is hot, night is day, turkey loaf (yeeeech, uuuugh, aaaaagggghhhh)is meat loaf , water is beer (not a bad thing!), Stanford plays smash ball football, USC plays pattycake!!!! I've been transported by evil alien beings to the mothership. I've been filled and drilled, electro shocked, and LSD drugged. The universe is convulsing. "No Beat" Pete is getting creamed. My heroic boys in cardinal and gold are zombie retrofits. Human shells filled with green and oozing crud. Lifeless relics simulating Trojan footballers. Get me out of this terrible hallucination.
Alien demons scheming to conquer our universe. Perverse, horrible creatures salivating at the demise of our very existence. These creatures want to EAT us!!!!!
Help me, help me escape this nightmare. STANFORD 55--- usc 21. The scoreboard screamed at me. STAAAANNNFOOOOORRRRD 55-55-5555555555. aaaaghhh, THE DEMONS KNOW MY WEAKNESS. HOW COULD THEY KNOW I HATE THE STANFORD "TREES" (formerly Indians, but with P.C. they just had to change) WITH A PASSION? Stanford, arrogant, spiteful, smarter than ever body else, wimpy ass, nerd wanna Be's (Cal Tech has the nerd title of USA), playing smash ball and winning against the mighty Trojan warriors of USC. Put me in the straight jacket, padded cell now. The aliens won.
Life used to be so simple. Easy rules of life: Day of home USC game: 1). Tailgate 2). Drink beer or equivalent (not white wine, which is for wimps) 3). go to game and gloat after one sided USC victory. Uncomplicated, easy, expected, win in November, win at home . Now, Day of home game: 1). assemble nervously for tailgate, most people arrive later now because of lost interest, they only come to see winners 2). Slug down a couple of wimpy ass mamosas 3) go to game, leave empty stadium humiliated after game because fair weather fans give up and leave after Trojans are down by seven(7). 4). get wised ass messages from smirking anit-USC "friends" who went to second rate schools 5). Next day read pessimistic articles about the fall of Trojans in liberal assed Sunday L.A.. Times.
Pete, please get me out of this night mare. I don't do out of body experiences very well. I'm not comfortable. I don't do losing very good at all. My psyche needs to be placated with winning and not whining. I need to be able to eat my pre-game burgers and dogs knowing that when I enter that hallowed place, the Coliseum, the MIGHTY TROJANS will take the sacred field and pummel their lowly opponents into submission. It should be the valiant warriors of USC going for two (2) after running up the score 48-0, and not some cocky loser from Palo Alto.
Pete, send these posers back to Netherland. Regain our sovereignty over outclassed, lowlife invaders seeking to steal our thunder. Once again make us proud. Thump your chest and resume your place as KING OF THE JUNGLE!!!!
WAKE ME UP!!!! WAKE ME UP!!!!
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